i hear you.

i hear you though you speak strange

but strange only to the ears of others

because really i hear you.

thank you.

Life’s ironies

Sometimes Life simply wants to shove into your face its little ironies to make us realize how wrong we are about things previously deemed right. Like how certain I was then when i had no laptop that when I finally have one, I will write constantly. And of course, the irony being that when i finally got the writing implement, I stopped well, writing.

Of course, the real reason being I don’t know, don’t know for certain, that is, what to say. And so now I find myself scribbling, er, typing away, thoughts that swirl over my head, almost desperately wanting to pull them back on earth through words that appear in the computer screen. All these, so friends would know what have crossed my mind before the compulsion for Silence again hits me.

With a lot of spare time in my hands and a host of memories to review, I usually do a lot of thinking, contemplating, if you may. Most of the time i find myself centering on the present as the remarkable consequences of the past and the haunting worries for the future bear yet unclear answers. As past and future converge in the present, the only thing that grounds me is the love and security my family and friends offer as well as the inescapabale PRESENT MOMENT. Times when I get concerned about the future and questions like what will happen to me arise, I find comfort knowing that I have family and friends looking out for me. It is a knowledge that discourages me into complacency and instead inspires me to help myself while being equally generous to my loved ones.

A chat conversation with a dear friend has made becoming more honest with myself easier. The understanding that goes along with the conviction that eventually each one only needs to claim for oneself the journey it has chosen to take makes this journey indeed “exciting”. It is an excitement that neither exaggerates nor downplays, neither tolerates nor denies, but stems from a place of knowledge even when it is not yet apparent. And in this, I, too, find comfort. Because it is the authentic path, even when the realizations it brings about are downright embarrassing, painful and perverse.

There goes another of Life’s ironies. And it teaches me that the thing that should matter most is how I conduct myself today. Today is different from yesterday and unique from all other tomorrows. Today, I may not earn big bucks but have made connections and held my nephew in my arms. In thinking so, I become a better individual.

The Power of the Mind has been endlessly testified by numerous inspirational authors, some of whom I have read. It is one of those things that keeps me from sliding away. I believe in this Power. It is among what Spirit is. It is that which makes us smile at Life’s ironies and our indisputable role in it.

Happy Friday.

Dancing Survivor

Woman

To my dearest friends.

It’s my second day in General Santos City and my first time to sit down to write. Of course, the first people to write to are all of you who have provided tremendous support and amazing generosity.

I don’t know where to start. Well, I never know where to start. It’s a symptom of my health condition.  Hahaha! Now, I have a ready excuse for past, present and future shortcomings. Kidding aside, here goes the flow…

I am drawing again – stream of consciousness art. Abstracts, if you may. I doodle beautiful images (for me, at least) – flowers, twirls, human cubes, animal cubes, leaf cubes, dots, faces, lines. I will post these in my blog for you to ruminate on. Hahaha! What an order! Oh you can also just view and leave it at that.

If you feel they will be good enough for you to have, you will receive them as gifts. Wonderful cherished gifts. A mentor once said my crochet and beadwork are manifestations of my soul energy. I guess these include the drawings too. What better gifts but those made by my own hands? J

One moment, allow me to digress. Also, be warned that I will digress every now and then. That is a symptom of my health condition. Hahaha! Also, there’s so much I want to say all at once and contexts must be clarified so everyone is on board and knows what am trying to get at.

Right now, I feel that my writing is so formal. I feel am writing like Rizal to his friend Blumentritt (?) in Germany. I do have friends in Germany. But am no Rizal. Anyway, apologies if indeed my writing sounds a bit prim and proper. The intention is that it be trite.  

My brother Toto and everyone here are taking very good care of me. Am being fed the most nutritious food and Toto patiently explains to me what I must do to get better and to have focus and discipline. He is implementing the five-step program in the book “The Healing Code”. In that book, the author shares a healing program that helped him not only survive and be cured of multiple sclerosis but also be in top shape. I am excited about this. I have read just the first chapter but I already like the tone and message and intent and healing approach.

You know, sometimes I can’t keep still. I find it hard to keep to one task at a time. Usually, I jump from one task to another. Of course, this isn’t very unusual. I’ve been like this ever since. But now, am learning that I can actually correct this tendency. Hopefully, I will. I know I will. J

Right now, Toto and Sam are out marketing for siomai ingredients and also to check on our Internet connection. The Internet guys didn’t drop by today as they promised. But most probably by the end of the week, I will be online.

Online. Hahaha! My social life will be through the web. This was the plan. But it was supposed to happen in December. Now, the GenSan move has happened, earlier by over two months! I’ve been dreaming of relaxation and managing my own time and not being bound by office work since June and now all these coming to life. A wish fulfilled in the strangest circumstances.

The financial support that went my way was incredible. I never imagined that I would be confined in a hospital for two weeks and that friends would solicit for my medical expenses and generous souls and very dear friends would just send in their help at the blink of an eye.

I am now not able to thank all the donors individually because Toto has still to show me the fundraising list. But you know who you are. And I thank you very much. And I promise to make the bounty multiply so that through me you will also have helped many others.

To the core group who danced with me, who brought me to the hospital, who cared for me, and who kept me, Papa and Toto company, MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT.

One of you said thank you is not needed and am sure that’s also how everyone feels. We are after all loved ones to each other. And because of that, we are all rich and precious. But still…I love you gid. Palangga ko gid kamo tanan. And you know that this kind of love is eternal.

My warmest and tighest hugs,

Rudie the Beauty  

A record of things to come.

A record of things to come involves a host of stuff.

One must prepare. One must be willing to die for a moment, for a lifetime, for a future that is bright.

One must deliberate and empathize with the journey of all.

One must strive to write, to dance, to sing, to bless

with grace and belief and faith in the unknown,

that which has yet to be known,

that which has yet to see.

To revel in the goodness of all

and in the unity , connectedness of life.

In Truth, one must believe.

In Prosperity, in Life and Death and life after death.

One must do all this.

“You are a road. Keep your path.”

Because a validation of me is a validation of you.

Now you know why you are named Joy. 

My Consciousness During a Staff Discussion.

To my loved ones.

Do not be afraid for me. I am the same. I have not changed. I just speak weird. But I am here. I will not leave. I will be with you as I have always been. I will make you laugh and cry and sing and we will have our moments. Moments of life, love, silliness, and joy. We shall as we always have been. You know, you know, and be assured.

 

Sorrow is Joy Disguised.

Your sadness is your self. It is your key. It is your deliverance. Honor it. Don’t let it go away. Don’t force it to leave. Stay with it. You will know.

Am I speaking to you? I don’t feel sadness now. But if you are sad, remember those words.