Life’s ironies

Sometimes Life simply wants to shove into your face its little ironies to make us realize how wrong we are about things previously deemed right. Like how certain I was then when i had no laptop that when I finally have one, I will write constantly. And of course, the irony being that when i finally got the writing implement, I stopped well, writing.

Of course, the real reason being I don’t know, don’t know for certain, that is, what to say. And so now I find myself scribbling, er, typing away, thoughts that swirl over my head, almost desperately wanting to pull them back on earth through words that appear in the computer screen. All these, so friends would know what have crossed my mind before the compulsion for Silence again hits me.

With a lot of spare time in my hands and a host of memories to review, I usually do a lot of thinking, contemplating, if you may. Most of the time i find myself centering on the present as the remarkable consequences of the past and the haunting worries for the future bear yet unclear answers. As past and future converge in the present, the only thing that grounds me is the love and security my family and friends offer as well as the inescapabale PRESENT MOMENT. Times when I get concerned about the future and questions like what will happen to me arise, I find comfort knowing that I have family and friends looking out for me. It is a knowledge that discourages me into complacency and instead inspires me to help myself while being equally generous to my loved ones.

A chat conversation with a dear friend has made becoming more honest with myself easier. The understanding that goes along with the conviction that eventually each one only needs to claim for oneself the journey it has chosen to take makes this journey indeed “exciting”. It is an excitement that neither exaggerates nor downplays, neither tolerates nor denies, but stems from a place of knowledge even when it is not yet apparent. And in this, I, too, find comfort. Because it is the authentic path, even when the realizations it brings about are downright embarrassing, painful and perverse.

There goes another of Life’s ironies. And it teaches me that the thing that should matter most is how I conduct myself today. Today is different from yesterday and unique from all other tomorrows. Today, I may not earn big bucks but have made connections and held my nephew in my arms. In thinking so, I become a better individual.

The Power of the Mind has been endlessly testified by numerous inspirational authors, some of whom I have read. It is one of those things that keeps me from sliding away. I believe in this Power. It is among what Spirit is. It is that which makes us smile at Life’s ironies and our indisputable role in it.

Happy Friday.

Woman

Medicines, siomai, aero and nutrition

Went to the doctor yesterday and was told I was going to be under medication for six months to two years to for life, all depending on how I progress. The not so good news was the medications am taking now cost about 17,000 a month. There’s this tablet I take 1.5 times a day and it costs 300/tablet, another tablet is taken 3 times a day and costs P28/tablet. This means we would have to scrounge for money. But we are not very worried. Hmm, well, maybe I am. Just a bit.

 

So I told Toto and Sam that we open the siomai stand soonest so money could already come in. Besides, am wanting to have something to do. If things proceed according to plan, we’re opening the siomai cart here at home by Monday. It’ll be placed just by the gate – some sort of take-out counter for passersby. We are hopeful it will work out as the house is right along a main avenue.

Yesterday, I also enrolled in the aero class. Yahoo! For 300 bucks a month, I can join any of their daily sessions – aerofunk, kickboxing, latin, striptease, belly dancing, and pilates. And today, Sam and I went again to the 8 am aero class. Am a bit rusty but I managed to follow most of the moves.

I also started to read Chapter 3: the Nutrition Plan of the book “The Healing Code”  by Dermont O’Connor which I recommend to all. I figured I gotta make my meal plans. So I cooked laswa lunch (just for me, Lola cooked for the rest because her recipe isl more tasty) with no salt, no preservatives, no seasonings, just olive oil, garlic, onions, tomatoes, squash, eggplant, alogbate and a dash of pepper and basil. Hehehe!  Ayos! 

Apartment Found for Merns and Me

When we arrived from Manila Monday, we already knew that there was this apartment for rent that Sam’s father chanced upon and which we thought could be the place for mother and I.

Yesterday, we went to see it. But alas, from the outside, the place looked quite rundown and the neighborhood was a bit magulo. We didn’t even bother to get down from the car, deciding instead to go back home.

A block away, we pointed to a row of apartments that we thought would be ideal for Ma and me. As Toto was about to turn right, he noticed a signboard hung from the gate on the left. We couldn’t see what the signboard said because it was faced parallel to us.

We thought we’d check it out. Holy mother of Xanadu! “Apartment for Rent” was the sign. We tried to curb our excitement because it appeared that the place for rent was the one we had earlier pointed out. True enough, it was.

The apartment is part of a family compound. Those living in the other four units are siblings and cousins. The apartment was typical of those for rent in the UP Village – up and down, two bedroom, spacious kitchen and sala. In UP Village, the rent would probably cost between P8,000 – P10,000. But here in Gensan, the rent is only P5,000.

Without much ado, we told the gentle lady we were going to get it and would be back that afternoon to pay the one-month deposit and one-month advance. Which we did.

Yun na yun. My philosophy in house-hunting has always been: If it’s for you, its for you. You will find the right place. It will reveal itself to you.    

Can’t wait till Ma arrives. 

To my dearest friends.

It’s my second day in General Santos City and my first time to sit down to write. Of course, the first people to write to are all of you who have provided tremendous support and amazing generosity.

I don’t know where to start. Well, I never know where to start. It’s a symptom of my health condition.  Hahaha! Now, I have a ready excuse for past, present and future shortcomings. Kidding aside, here goes the flow…

I am drawing again – stream of consciousness art. Abstracts, if you may. I doodle beautiful images (for me, at least) – flowers, twirls, human cubes, animal cubes, leaf cubes, dots, faces, lines. I will post these in my blog for you to ruminate on. Hahaha! What an order! Oh you can also just view and leave it at that.

If you feel they will be good enough for you to have, you will receive them as gifts. Wonderful cherished gifts. A mentor once said my crochet and beadwork are manifestations of my soul energy. I guess these include the drawings too. What better gifts but those made by my own hands? J

One moment, allow me to digress. Also, be warned that I will digress every now and then. That is a symptom of my health condition. Hahaha! Also, there’s so much I want to say all at once and contexts must be clarified so everyone is on board and knows what am trying to get at.

Right now, I feel that my writing is so formal. I feel am writing like Rizal to his friend Blumentritt (?) in Germany. I do have friends in Germany. But am no Rizal. Anyway, apologies if indeed my writing sounds a bit prim and proper. The intention is that it be trite.  

My brother Toto and everyone here are taking very good care of me. Am being fed the most nutritious food and Toto patiently explains to me what I must do to get better and to have focus and discipline. He is implementing the five-step program in the book “The Healing Code”. In that book, the author shares a healing program that helped him not only survive and be cured of multiple sclerosis but also be in top shape. I am excited about this. I have read just the first chapter but I already like the tone and message and intent and healing approach.

You know, sometimes I can’t keep still. I find it hard to keep to one task at a time. Usually, I jump from one task to another. Of course, this isn’t very unusual. I’ve been like this ever since. But now, am learning that I can actually correct this tendency. Hopefully, I will. I know I will. J

Right now, Toto and Sam are out marketing for siomai ingredients and also to check on our Internet connection. The Internet guys didn’t drop by today as they promised. But most probably by the end of the week, I will be online.

Online. Hahaha! My social life will be through the web. This was the plan. But it was supposed to happen in December. Now, the GenSan move has happened, earlier by over two months! I’ve been dreaming of relaxation and managing my own time and not being bound by office work since June and now all these coming to life. A wish fulfilled in the strangest circumstances.

The financial support that went my way was incredible. I never imagined that I would be confined in a hospital for two weeks and that friends would solicit for my medical expenses and generous souls and very dear friends would just send in their help at the blink of an eye.

I am now not able to thank all the donors individually because Toto has still to show me the fundraising list. But you know who you are. And I thank you very much. And I promise to make the bounty multiply so that through me you will also have helped many others.

To the core group who danced with me, who brought me to the hospital, who cared for me, and who kept me, Papa and Toto company, MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT.

One of you said thank you is not needed and am sure that’s also how everyone feels. We are after all loved ones to each other. And because of that, we are all rich and precious. But still…I love you gid. Palangga ko gid kamo tanan. And you know that this kind of love is eternal.

My warmest and tighest hugs,

Rudie the Beauty